being an outcast

did you ever experienced this kind of real life situations? where you are so desperately trying to get a friend and trying so hard to be accepted by a group of people around you.. well i have, and now i realized how stupid i was that time...

being an outcast, it sucks, where people does not recognized you and felt weird if you said Hi' to them once...
well it happens to me when i was in secondary schools and in college, where i was surrounded with those people who think themselves are needed by others and people can die or not survived if they are not there...

okay, let me explain,
during college, i always wanted to make friends and try to socialize with others, i want to be like that... to be like them, 'them ' who are being like the 'hottie' of the college, where when you said Hi to a total strangers, and they will say Hi back to you, sound a little bit cliche'  actually, but, the point is, i am NOT like them...

so, it happens for 2 years in KMS, then i realized that i was just being a moron all the time, because of the chase to be a well know girl in college..after that, i promise to myself not to chase all of those stupid thingy and get a fresh start in university....

BUT, now, those feeling come back to me, ... i felt so intimidated when i started to be friends with a girl named AA..
she is so cool, got so many friends and everybody loves her, a contradiction of myself..well of course, she is one damn pretty girl...okay,even JGL said that she is sweet girl.. :( :( :( :( :(

and AA is a good friend of NN, which is a well known girl also, one day in library, they accidentally bump into each other in the discussion room, i was there too at that table, studying with AA..
then they started to talk about boys..blah blah...

NN : last time i went out for a dinner with our senior... SS
AA : oh ye..

then the conversation is going on and on and on.. and HELLOOO, did anybody sees me studying here...??
well, it seems like both of them are so pre occupied with their conversation...

i felt so sad.. and promised myself not come to library anymore..

the truth is...  i will  never be recognized or being realized for my existence, people find me only when they need me, remember about the house where we want to live for next year, i ve been kicked out, because they want that house and that house is small, 1 must go out, so, that unlucky person is me...seriously, i felt like ....

i don't know what to say,.. it feels really bad when you does not have anything at all to make people impressed...and people think you are a loser at all time..

yeah, its true,, to felt like shitty when being an outcast,.. :(

feeling so DOWN......